


The Name Game

by Neutralchaos



Series: These are just terrible and I should not be left to my own devices. [1]
Category: Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Dorks in Love, M/M, inventive dirty talk, okay hilarious attempts at dirty talk, rated for language more than anything
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-03
Updated: 2016-04-03
Packaged: 2018-05-30 21:54:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6442375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Neutralchaos/pseuds/Neutralchaos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>read the tags because really that's all I can give you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Name Game

**Author's Note:**

> I should not be left alone on tumblr. Actually I shouldn't be allowed on tumblr period.

Ping.  
The elevator door’s little chime was the only warning the(thankfully) empty floor got before the 2 supersoldiers tumbled out of it.panting, trying to gather as much air as possible between kisses both men stumbled towards their (now) shared bedroom, attempting to relieve each other of their respective clothing.  
“F-fuck, Bucky,” Steve panted, his pupils blown out to the point that you couldn’t even see the blue in them anymore, as the brunette nipped and sucked his way down the blonde’s neck.  
“Hm,” the other man grunted, clearly too busy at the moment for words. He had much better things to do with his mouth at the moment. Such as marking up as much of Steve’s skin as possible before the serum started to undo all of it. 

“Bucky!” The blonde tried again, pushing a little to get his attention. Bucky huffed as his Very important work was interrupted, and glanced up to the other man's face.  
“What?” He asked a little annoyed.  
“As wonderful as this wall is,” Steve started, gasping a little as Bucky grunted before going back to work on his neck, “ m-maybe we could move, A-ah, to the bed?”Bucky Simply just started to maneuver them towards the bedroom once again, stopping his ministrations on the other man in favour of getting to a bed as soon as possible.

Reaching the room the ex-HYDRA assassin pushed the Blonde down on to bed, Before deciding that there were entirely far too many clothes on the pair of them. Especially on Steve.  
Why is he still wearing pants, Bucky wondered, before turning to remedy that situation immediately. A tearing sound could be heard as Bucky’s patience had concluded that buttons and zippers were a waste of time, and why bother?

Bucky sighed contently as he nuzzled Steve’s erection through his briefs, fucking finally he thought.  
“Fuck babydoll, Have i ever told you how much i love your pigskin bus?” He said, or well tried to because there was no way he was going to be heard over Steve’s laughter.  
“What!?” Steve cried out, “ what was that?” He got out in between fits of hilarity.  
“What?, “ bucky pouted.  
“Pigskin bus? Seriously? No offence darling but that is a boner killer right there.” Steve gasped out.  
“Hm,” bucky said, “ okay what about, your wang doodle?” He tried. If anything Steve started giggling, GIGGLING. Captain fucking America was giggling.  
“Baloney pony? Cranny Axe? Custard Launcher? Ding dong mcdork? Dude piston?” As each name for his penis fell from Bucky’s mouth, Steve started to become hysterical. He was starting to struggle to catch his breath, like he had to back before the serum got rid of his asthma.  
“S-stop B-bucky!” He managed to sputter out. “Come on stevie,” the brunette whined, “Oh! What about your Love muscle? No? Um… schlong dong doodle? Tallywhacker? OH, come one stevie they are all not that bad! You know what? Fuck it, i’m gonna go look up something, wait right here.” He said as he ran out of the room determined to get his boyfriend to stop Howling at him.

Meanwhile Steve was trying to remember how to breathe, clutching his ribs he called out, “ Come on Buck! Just come back to bed. Can’t this wait?”

“Hang on.” Was all that was called from the other room, and ever so faintly he could hear the click click of the keyboard. Sighing steve sprawled out on the bed resigning himself to waiting as his stubborn boyfriend looked a decent name to call his dick. ' Just don’t laugh at the next name he calls out ' he thought, ' if I can keep a straight face we can get back to our original programming'.

“ okay! I got one,” he heard being yelled from the living room.

“Lay it on me!” He called back.

“Meter Long King Kong Dong!” Bucky announced. Steve lost it and promptly fell into fits of giggling once again.

**Author's Note:**

> come follow me @ neutralchaos915 on tumblr :D so we can laugh together


End file.
